The Return

The Return

Sunday, January 22, 2017

First off, I just want to say that I have no idea why in the world I stopped posting my blogs on here. From the start writing my thoughts, emotions, concerns and fears down for this blog has been very therapeutic for me. I would like to continue with this “therapy” and what better time than the start of a new chapter in the TTC novel my husband and I have been living the last 4 plus years. So, this post will serve as a catch up on our journey.

The last time we talked it was March 2015, so we are currently almost two years later and not much has changed but at the same time a lot has changed. Let me explain. The thing that hasn’t changed; the hubby and I still have not been blessed with a child and we took a long hiatus because of many personal issues. However, we are currently trying but haven’t seen a doctor recently for it yet. My first appointment is tomorrow and some slightly miraculous things have occurred in the last few weeks. But before we get there let me catch you up on our lives.

Since my last post, we have been let go from jobs, then acquired positions at new jobs all while still living in Texas. We were devastated after the loss of my husband job after layoffs happened at his company. However, God works in mysterious ways. This led to my husband’s employment at Lowe’s here in Texas. A small miracle that would later lead to something fantastic (we will get there shortly). While dealing with that we were also dealing with my grandfather and his illness and then passing. To say that this hit me hard would be the biggest understatement ever. Those who know me personally know that I literally grew up next door to my grandparents on a long slightly secluded dirt road in my home town in Florida. I spent my mid to late childhood running barefoot from my house to my grandparents’ house daily seeing my grandfather practically every day. So, the loss of the patriarch of our large family was devastating and extremely hard for me. This even gave way to my deep desire to go home. To move back to my hometown in Florida.

Let us re-visit my husband’s job with the Lowes company. When we visited our hometown for the funeral of my beloved grandfather we discovered something amazing. They were building a brand-new Lowes store! My brain went automatically to the chance he could be transferred when the store opened. I think you can see where this is going! Long story short we now live back home in St. Augustine, Florida where we are currently researching building a new home. We both have fantastic jobs and are extremely happy. Except for a health issue I had during the fall and winter this past year everything is wonderful. What better time to start trying to conceive again? We now live in a place that has wonderful, knowledgeable doctors who specialize in PCOS and we are also in a better place financially. God most definitely works in mysterious ways.

So here we are. Tomorrow is my first appointment with my new doctor who is a Reproductive Endocrinologist and their clinic specializes in PCOS and the issues this brings to fertility. I am hopeful and excited to start this journey with them. My next post will be about other miracles that have happened in the last few weeks. Trust me stay tuned it is exciting. At least I think so! 

Major Anxiety

Major Anxiety

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Today is my first doctor appointment since Chris (the hubby) and I decided to continue actively trying to conceive. There is so much that is going through my head at this point it is hard to keep it all straight and to keep a lid on my emotions about it. Yesterday I had a break-down of sorts and the day seemed to have gotten away from me. I was having a PCOS mood swing induced panic attack. At least that is what I call it. Those of you with PCOS can surely understand where I am coming from. It is like I, my well-balanced calm and level headed person, is hovering outside of my physical body watching what is going on in disgust and amazement. Not two hours before the incident I was fine, happy, productive; then bam I am a completely different person. At least my husband can see it happening by now, and realizes that it isn’t me. I know that might sound overly dramatic but when you are in the moment that is what it feels like; and when I look back on it I am embarrassed and ashamed. 

During the incident I broke down. I was crying and pretty much rambling incoherently about hating PCOS and how much it affected my everyday life, hating infertility and the internal pain it causes, and hating the emotions that came with it all (jealousy, shame, embarrassment, hate, etc.). By the end of my rant I took a breath and somehow the underlying reason that triggered the whole ordeal just came out. Tears running down my face I told Chris I was worried and scared about my upcoming doctor appointment. He asked me why and said “you’ve got this” (his pep-talk go-to phrase) which somehow always makes me feel better.

The truth is there are so many reasons that this doctor appointment gives me major anxiety. First I hate doctors; not the person but the position. I think it stems from the fact that I didn’t go a lot as a kid unless there was something major going on. Like my eye surgery in the 2^nd or 3^rd grade. So I think I tend to associate them with the negative. There is also the factor of knowing this is the beginning of more fertility drugs and the side effects that come along with them. I am pretty sure, if not positive, that I will be put back on Metformin. This medication is horrible to me. *TMI moment coming* It takes a toll on my whole digestive system. Some of the side effects that I experience are; horrid gas pains, gas, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. I can’t keep pretty much anything down accept broth and water for pretty much the first few weeks.  My husband hates it because he says I look ghost white pale and can hardly get out of bed unless it is to run to the restroom. I have tried everything to make this work for me; things like eating then taking it and vice versa, as well as not eating any carbohydrates, and taking it with milk to coat the stomach. Nothing worked.  So I know that if given this medication I will take it because if will bring a baby into my life the suffering will be completely and totally worth it.

There is also the fact that the doctor could possible tell us that there are other things besides my PCOS that could be causing the infertility issues as well. The unknown aspects make me worry. I don’t want to be told that the chances are lower than I expect or that there is no chance at all for us to conceive. That is what it all comes down to. I know there is that chance. I know the reality of it. I just don’t want the doctor to say it. The last thing that I am nervous about is that I have to go to this first appointment on my own. This is partly by choice and partly because Chris couldn’t get out of work today to go with me. Our doctor isn’t local. Over all I think that my major anxiety about the appointment stems from all the things I know are coming because of it, and all the things that are unknown. I do know that no matter what comes from all of this I have a husband who has been nothing but supportive toward me. He is going through all of the disappointment with me but he is always focused on protecting me and supporting me. I love him for being there for me!

Well that is all I have for today. I will be sure to update you all about how the appointment goes and which course of treatment is decided upon. This is the beginning of, hopefully, the making of our miracle. Comments are always welcome in the comment section down below but for now…

Doctor Visit Prep

Doctor Visit Preparation

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

If you are like me you find doctor appointments to be stressful and sometimes confusing or overwhelming. I feel like there are two scenarios of how a doctor appointment can go. I am either overwhelmed with information or I am underwhelmed by the doctor’s willingness to explain or inform me on the situation at hand. Finding the right doctor for you is the key and I believe the only way to do that is to research the doctor, and the practice he/she belongs, to before setting up a visit. For most of you this process is also linked to your personal health insurance and the options of doctors in your area that coincide with your policy network. So my first suggestion would be research your options before setting up an appointment.

With that said there are some online resources that you could benefit from for researching your choices. We have BCBS and they provide a doctor finder for our in-network doctors. We are part of an HMO, which means that we have to have a primary care physician (PCP) and that physician provides us with a referral to see specialist. But the good thing about this is a woman may choose an OB-GYN as their PCP which allows them to skip the referral step when they need to see their OB-GYN. So, I went to the BCBS website and used their doctor finder to look for OB-GYN PCP’s in my area, and there weren’t any in-network. Ewww! So I expanded my search to a larger area around me and a few popped up. After I found my options I entered the doctors’ information into the www.healthgrades.com website search box. On the physicians page you can view things like; patient rating, experience, specialties, back ground information (malpractice suits, education/training, Board actions, etc.), hospital affiliation (and that hospitals grading), etc. From there you can rate your options and find one that seems right for you. Another good research tool is www.ratemds.com , it is very similar to the Health Grades website but gives you another set of information.

Once you have found a doctor you think might fit with you and your significant other, be sure to call to make an appointment ASAP. OB-GYN’s seem to fill appointments fast and you want to get in as soon as you can so that you can get your TTCing under way. Once your appointment is made it is now time to do more research. As couples with infertility, research becomes our lives. Before your appointment you want to make sure that you have a list of questions that you want to ask. Make sure to write your questions down on a note pad you can bring with you. Also make sure to leave space after each question on your note pad so you can write down the doctor’s answers as you go. I would also suggest to start a physical folder for all hand-outs, Rx print outs, and paper work from your doctor. The further along in your journey the more you will need it. For some lists of questions to ask your physician you can check out these websites; http://mayocl.in/1vRSLgs and http://bit.ly/1B0KtlD.

Another thing you might also want to consider in your preparation for a doctor appointment is that you will be asked questions about your health history and infertility history. The doctor is going to ask you some very personal questions and you should be prepared to answer them honestly. It is important not to keep anything from your doctor, as well as, you should not excaudate any symptoms. These question might include things like what medications (if any) you are taking or have taken in the past, personal questions about your sexual intercourse habits, your medical history, and things having to do with your past infertility journey.

The most important thing to remember when preparing for a visit is your doctor work for you. You or your insurance company pays them to perform a service. You should be sure to get your money’s worth. By that I mean, make sure you keep the doctor in your exam room as long as you need in order to ask as many question, and get as much information as you need. Don’t be afraid to take up some time. Do not leave your visit confused. If you do not understand anything that has been explained don’t be afraid to ask the doctor to repeat the information in another way. This is your time to get as much information as possible.

Well that is all for now. I hope that this post was helpful or encouraging in some way. If you have any questions or comments please leave those in the comment section down below. Be sure to follow this blog in the top left “Followers” section of the page. Until next time!

Infertility and TTC Abbreviation Guide

Infertility and TTC Abbreviation Guide

Monday, March 2, 2015 

My DH and I have been TTC for 2 years. We are currently on CD 14 and our FC and OPK both indicate that we are in our OV period. So we will BD and hope for the best. We are not looking forward to the TWW and it will be hard for me not to want to POAS in the hopes of the BFP and not a BFN.

If you can read that passage with all of the crazy abbreviations then you might be part of a couple suffering from infertility. If you have no clue what that passage reads then maybe this will help. Bellow I have listed some of the abbreviations most commonly used by message boards, blogs, Facebook support groups, infertility applications, some doctors, etc. I hope you find it informative and a little fun. So here we go…

2WW = 2 Week Wait (time from ovulation till you can get an accurate HPT response)

AF = Aunt Flo (AKA- Your period)(Double edged sword for those with PCOS)

BBT = Basal Body Temperature

BD = Baby Dancing

BCP = Birth Control Pills

BFP = Big Fat Positive

BFN = Big Fat Negative

BT = Blood Pregnancy Test (HCG Levels)

C = Cycle

CB = Cycle Buddy (someone with the same cycle as you)

CD = Cycle Day

CF = Cervical Fluid

CH = Crosshairs (lines on the chart to indicate ovulation)

CM = Cervical Mucus

CP = Cervical Position

DH = Dear Husband

DI = Donor Insemination

DPO = Days Post-ovulation

Dx = Diagnosis

Endo = Endometriosis

EC = Embryo Cyro – or Embryo freezing

EDD = Estimated Due Date

EPT = Early Pregnancy Test

ET = Embryo Transfer

EWCM = Egg White Cervical Mucus

FC = Fertility Chart

FF = Fertility Friend

FMU = First Morning Urine

FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone

FX = Fingers Crossed

GnRH = Gonadotropin-releasing hormone

GP = General Practitioner

HCG = Human Chorionic Gonadotropin – used to detect pregnancy

HPT = Home Pregnancy Test

HRT = Hormone Replacement Therapy

HX = History

IF = Infertility

IPS = Imaginary Pregnancy Symptoms

IUI = Intrauterine Insemination

IVF = In Vitro Fertilization

LH = Luteinizing Hormone detected by OPKs

LMP = Last Menstrual Period (Usually refers to the start date)

LP = Luteal Phase

MC = Miscarriage

MS = Morning Sickness

NP = Nurse Practitioner

OV (O) = Ovulation. Variants: Oed, Oing

OB /OB-GYN = Obstetrician/Gynecologist

OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit

PG = Pregnant

PI = Primary Infertility

PMS = Pre-menstrual Syndrome

POF = Premature Ovarian Failure

POAS = Pee On a Stick

PCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

PUTB = Pillow under the Butt (self-explanatory I think)

RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist (Fertility Specialist)

RPL = Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

RPS = Real Pregnancy Symptoms

RSA = Recurrent Spontaneous Abortion

Rx = Prescription

SA = Semen Analysis

SI = Secondary Infertility

SO = Significant Other

SX = symptoms

TR =Tubal Reversal

TTC = Trying To Conceive

TPQ = Time Pass Quickly

TWW = Two Week Wait

U/S = Ultrasound

Craziness! I was so overwhelmed the first time I tried to find support on any of the infertility and trying to conceive forums. It was like everyone was speaking in a different language. I was always asking what things meant, which got a little embarrassing at times. So hopefully this will help you to navigate those sometimes confusing waters with confidence and knowledge. If this helped or if you have any additions you think should be added please feel free to comment down below. I am always open to feedback and I would love to hear your abbreviation stories!  Also I have added a follow button near the top left of the page, please follow if you find these post interesting or entertaining!

Friday Fast Facts

Five Fertility Fast Facts

Friday, February 27, 2015

I thought it would be fun and informative to have the Friday blog be a “Fast Facts” day, and keeping with the “F” party we have going on, I will do five of them every Friday. If this is something you would like to see every Friday let me know. If you are just not into it let me know. Feedback is always welcome in the comment section down below or catch me on Facebook or tweet me! So here we go…..

1.      You (and by you I mean you and your significant other) are not technically infertile until you have been trying for at least a year with no success.

Many reproductive endocrinologists will not even officially see you until you and your significant other have been trying to conceive for over a year. This is because pregnancy is actually kind of rare. Completely normal healthy couples only have a 20%-25% chance of becoming pregnant. So in order to weed out the “just not pregnant yet” couples from the “we have an issue” couples they require couples to try to conceive for at least a year or 6 months for those over the age of 35.

2.       Contortionist need not apply. *Warning TMI Ahead*

Sexual positions are not a factor when trying to conceive. Sure, if a certain position helps you and your significant other achieve maximum penetration and pleasure that is obviously helpful. However every woman’s anatomy is different and every couple will be different. There are no specific positions that promote conception more than others. So tying yourself into a pretzel is not necessary, unless you are into that.

3.       Infertility affects men and women equally.

Surprised? I sure was, but it is true. A couple is equally likely to be infertile because of male factor infertility as woman factor infertility. So why is there this stigma about infertility being a woman’s issue? Not sure, but in our society it is true, we look at infertility as a woman’s issue on the most basic level. She is the one who is either getting pregnant or not getting pregnant. We all need to keep in mind that whichever factor is affecting your own personal journey, support should be your number one priority! When you are a couple it doesn’t, and shouldn’t, matter who is technically at fault. With that said….

4.       A quarter of all couples who are infertile have more than one causing factor.

This was news to me. This just goes to show that seeing a specialist is so important. In my experience most MDs find a cause and stop looking, so who knows, this percentage could be much higher. I think it is important to keep asking questions, and get more than one MDs opinion on your particular situation. Ask questions about other factors and if they could also be included in your diagnosis.

5.       Some states are passing laws requiring insurance companies to cover infertility treatments.

According to Resolve.com: “Fifteen states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover some level of infertility treatment: Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas and West Virginia.” I am super proud of my state, Texas, for being part of the list. In every state the level of coverage will be different so please take the time and research your state if it is on the list. Also if your state is not included, take a few moments of your time to write your state representatives about this important issue. In future post I will be going further into detail about this subject, as well as other insurance concerns, so stay tuned!

Well there are your first set of Friday Fast Facts. I hope you found this post informative, helpful, or entertaining, etc. Please let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions. You can contact me using one of the links in the Connect with me section to the right or commenting down below!