Major Anxiety

Major Anxiety

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Today is my first doctor appointment since Chris (the hubby) and I decided to continue actively trying to conceive. There is so much that is going through my head at this point it is hard to keep it all straight and to keep a lid on my emotions about it. Yesterday I had a break-down of sorts and the day seemed to have gotten away from me. I was having a PCOS mood swing induced panic attack. At least that is what I call it. Those of you with PCOS can surely understand where I am coming from. It is like I, my well-balanced calm and level headed person, is hovering outside of my physical body watching what is going on in disgust and amazement. Not two hours before the incident I was fine, happy, productive; then bam I am a completely different person. At least my husband can see it happening by now, and realizes that it isn’t me. I know that might sound overly dramatic but when you are in the moment that is what it feels like; and when I look back on it I am embarrassed and ashamed. 

During the incident I broke down. I was crying and pretty much rambling incoherently about hating PCOS and how much it affected my everyday life, hating infertility and the internal pain it causes, and hating the emotions that came with it all (jealousy, shame, embarrassment, hate, etc.). By the end of my rant I took a breath and somehow the underlying reason that triggered the whole ordeal just came out. Tears running down my face I told Chris I was worried and scared about my upcoming doctor appointment. He asked me why and said “you’ve got this” (his pep-talk go-to phrase) which somehow always makes me feel better.

The truth is there are so many reasons that this doctor appointment gives me major anxiety. First I hate doctors; not the person but the position. I think it stems from the fact that I didn’t go a lot as a kid unless there was something major going on. Like my eye surgery in the 2^nd or 3^rd grade. So I think I tend to associate them with the negative. There is also the factor of knowing this is the beginning of more fertility drugs and the side effects that come along with them. I am pretty sure, if not positive, that I will be put back on Metformin. This medication is horrible to me. *TMI moment coming* It takes a toll on my whole digestive system. Some of the side effects that I experience are; horrid gas pains, gas, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea. I can’t keep pretty much anything down accept broth and water for pretty much the first few weeks.  My husband hates it because he says I look ghost white pale and can hardly get out of bed unless it is to run to the restroom. I have tried everything to make this work for me; things like eating then taking it and vice versa, as well as not eating any carbohydrates, and taking it with milk to coat the stomach. Nothing worked.  So I know that if given this medication I will take it because if will bring a baby into my life the suffering will be completely and totally worth it.

There is also the fact that the doctor could possible tell us that there are other things besides my PCOS that could be causing the infertility issues as well. The unknown aspects make me worry. I don’t want to be told that the chances are lower than I expect or that there is no chance at all for us to conceive. That is what it all comes down to. I know there is that chance. I know the reality of it. I just don’t want the doctor to say it. The last thing that I am nervous about is that I have to go to this first appointment on my own. This is partly by choice and partly because Chris couldn’t get out of work today to go with me. Our doctor isn’t local. Over all I think that my major anxiety about the appointment stems from all the things I know are coming because of it, and all the things that are unknown. I do know that no matter what comes from all of this I have a husband who has been nothing but supportive toward me. He is going through all of the disappointment with me but he is always focused on protecting me and supporting me. I love him for being there for me!

Well that is all I have for today. I will be sure to update you all about how the appointment goes and which course of treatment is decided upon. This is the beginning of, hopefully, the making of our miracle. Comments are always welcome in the comment section down below but for now…

Doctor Visit Prep

Doctor Visit Preparation

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

If you are like me you find doctor appointments to be stressful and sometimes confusing or overwhelming. I feel like there are two scenarios of how a doctor appointment can go. I am either overwhelmed with information or I am underwhelmed by the doctor’s willingness to explain or inform me on the situation at hand. Finding the right doctor for you is the key and I believe the only way to do that is to research the doctor, and the practice he/she belongs, to before setting up a visit. For most of you this process is also linked to your personal health insurance and the options of doctors in your area that coincide with your policy network. So my first suggestion would be research your options before setting up an appointment.

With that said there are some online resources that you could benefit from for researching your choices. We have BCBS and they provide a doctor finder for our in-network doctors. We are part of an HMO, which means that we have to have a primary care physician (PCP) and that physician provides us with a referral to see specialist. But the good thing about this is a woman may choose an OB-GYN as their PCP which allows them to skip the referral step when they need to see their OB-GYN. So, I went to the BCBS website and used their doctor finder to look for OB-GYN PCP’s in my area, and there weren’t any in-network. Ewww! So I expanded my search to a larger area around me and a few popped up. After I found my options I entered the doctors’ information into the www.healthgrades.com website search box. On the physicians page you can view things like; patient rating, experience, specialties, back ground information (malpractice suits, education/training, Board actions, etc.), hospital affiliation (and that hospitals grading), etc. From there you can rate your options and find one that seems right for you. Another good research tool is www.ratemds.com , it is very similar to the Health Grades website but gives you another set of information.

Once you have found a doctor you think might fit with you and your significant other, be sure to call to make an appointment ASAP. OB-GYN’s seem to fill appointments fast and you want to get in as soon as you can so that you can get your TTCing under way. Once your appointment is made it is now time to do more research. As couples with infertility, research becomes our lives. Before your appointment you want to make sure that you have a list of questions that you want to ask. Make sure to write your questions down on a note pad you can bring with you. Also make sure to leave space after each question on your note pad so you can write down the doctor’s answers as you go. I would also suggest to start a physical folder for all hand-outs, Rx print outs, and paper work from your doctor. The further along in your journey the more you will need it. For some lists of questions to ask your physician you can check out these websites; http://mayocl.in/1vRSLgs and http://bit.ly/1B0KtlD.

Another thing you might also want to consider in your preparation for a doctor appointment is that you will be asked questions about your health history and infertility history. The doctor is going to ask you some very personal questions and you should be prepared to answer them honestly. It is important not to keep anything from your doctor, as well as, you should not excaudate any symptoms. These question might include things like what medications (if any) you are taking or have taken in the past, personal questions about your sexual intercourse habits, your medical history, and things having to do with your past infertility journey.

The most important thing to remember when preparing for a visit is your doctor work for you. You or your insurance company pays them to perform a service. You should be sure to get your money’s worth. By that I mean, make sure you keep the doctor in your exam room as long as you need in order to ask as many question, and get as much information as you need. Don’t be afraid to take up some time. Do not leave your visit confused. If you do not understand anything that has been explained don’t be afraid to ask the doctor to repeat the information in another way. This is your time to get as much information as possible.

Well that is all for now. I hope that this post was helpful or encouraging in some way. If you have any questions or comments please leave those in the comment section down below. Be sure to follow this blog in the top left “Followers” section of the page. Until next time!